What can I do if my ex won’t let me see my child, and we’re not married?

The law is clear: the child’s welfare comes first. Where possible, both parents should play a meaningful role in their child’s life. But when you are not married to your child’s other parent, things can get more complicated, especially for fathers.

Do unmarried parents have fewer rights?

Being an unmarried parent does not mean you have no rights, but you may need to take steps to gain parental responsibility, the legal right to make decisions about your child’s upbringing. Without it, enforcing contact can be difficult.

You can gain parental responsibility if:

• you are named on the child’s birth certificate (for births after 1 December 2003 in England and Wales);
• you have entered into a parental responsibility agreement with the mother; or
• you have obtained parental responsibility through a court order.

If you do not have parental responsibility, you can still apply to the court for contact, though you might need to apply for parental responsibility first or alongside your contact application.

“But my ex just says no, what can I do?”

This is where legal advice becomes critical. If one parent is unfairly blocking contact, the court can intervene. You may be able to apply for a child arrangements order, which sets out exactly when and how you see your child, even if your former partner objects.

These orders can cover everything from overnight stays to holiday contact, video calls and, where needed, supervised visits. But every family’s situation is unique, and the process is not always straightforward.

What can you do if you are denied contact?

If informal arrangements are not working, or you are being denied time with your child, you can apply to the family court for a child arrangements order. The order can set out:

• when and how often you see your child, including overnight stays;
• whether contact is direct and in person, or indirect, for example by phone or email;
• any special conditions, such as supervised contact if needed.

Even if you already have parental responsibility, an order can formalise and enforce arrangements, particularly where your co-parent is inconsistent or obstructive. Our child arrangements solicitors can explain how this would work in your case.

What will the court expect from you?

Before applying, the court usually expects parents to try resolving matters outside court, unless there are safety concerns. This might include:

• a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM), a required initial step in most court applications where a mediator explains your options for resolving disputes outside court;
• family mediation; or
• a parenting plan supported by professional advice.

If resolution is not appropriate, or your ex refuses to engage, you can proceed with the court process.

What will the court consider?

The court’s principle is simple: what is in the best interests of the child. It will not focus on who is right or wrong, but on whether contact is:

• safe;
• emotionally and physically healthy;
• beneficial for the child’s development.

The court recognises the importance of children having a meaningful relationship with both parents, and can order contact even where one parent objects, provided it is in the child’s best interests.

A few things to remember

• The law does not favour either parent; it focuses on the child’s welfare.
• You do not need to have been married to apply for contact.
• Even without parental responsibility, you can apply to the court, but you may need permission.
• Refusing contact without good reason is not supported by the court and could count against the refusing parent in proceedings.

You don’t have to do this alone

We have supported many parents who felt sidelined, silenced or shut out. Whether you are trying to gain contact, secure parental responsibility, or simply understand your rights, we are here to help at every step.

Every situation is unique. Outcomes depend on many factors: your current involvement, living arrangements and, above all, what is best for your child.

Take the first step and speak with a specialist

We understand how emotionally difficult this can be. Every missed hour with your child can feel like a lifetime. But you are not powerless.

At Arona St James Solicitors, we help parents rebuild and protect their relationships with their children, combining legal expertise with compassionate support. Contact us today for a confidential consultation with one of our experienced family solicitors. Let us find the way forward together, because no parent should be pushed out of their child’s life.

This article is general information and does not constitute legal advice. Every family situation is different, and the law as it applies to your circumstances may differ from the general position described here.